A rant / A reflection / My life

Friendships

We wonder this.  We truly don't know.

We wonder this. We truly don’t know.

A weird (and you may consider pathetic) trait of a Borderline has to do with friendships.

Remember that the heart of Borderline is abandonment.  And we will see it everywhere.  And it doesn’t have to be real.  And what goes along with that, at least in regards to friendships, is that if we feel abandoned by a friend (and, like I said, it can be a real abandonment or a perceived one) we want and need that friend to pursue and prove that they haven’t.

I had a disagreement with a friend.

And now I’m certain that she hates me now and is done with me.

I never feel that any of my friends really value being friends with me.  And as such, unless she tells me otherwise, I will believe that she has abandoned me as many have done before.

And I will admit, I will make it difficult for her because it will be really hard for me to believe her if she says she’s still my friend.

Remember, we loathe ourselves and push friends away because we don’t believe that anyone could truly love or care for us.

So, this friend could tell me that she is still my friend and then sit back patiently to wait for me to come around.

I’m a Borderline.  I won’t be able to come around.  I will need more than one gesture on her part in order to tentatively believe her.  And she will have to earn my trust back.

See, what the Borderline thinks now is does she really mean it?  And believing she really means it is truly difficult.

Yes, I agree it’s pathetic, but there you are.

It’s a risky proposition to be friends with someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder.

And we Borderlines don’t believe people will ever want to bother with us and can’t trust them until they prove they do want to.

But we also see the other side – who would want to put up with someone so demanding?  Who wants to go through all this crap just to be friends with one person?

But we’re not demanding because we’re rude, selfish people, but because we’ve been so brutally hurt by others we’re terrified of being hurt more.

We know it’s a conflict for our friends – perhaps you can see the conflict it is for us now.

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4 thoughts on “Friendships

  1. Pingback: Friendships | For What It's Worth (The Gozette)

  2. Wow…I’ve read through a couple of your posts and they all sound just like me…I think I’ll take a look into borderline personality disorder now….very interesting, thanks for sharing your experiences.

    Like

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