A reflection

Starting again, again

Haven’t written recently.

Haven’t had much to rant, rave or reflect about recently.

Despite a great deal of stress happening, especially over the last month, I’ve been rolling with the punches fairly well.

But I’ve been ignoring a lot of truths and I’ve decided, though I’ve never been one to make resolutions, to start paying more attention.  My lack of attention has been far from beneficial for my children, so I need to make changes.

I need to be a better example to my children.

I need to live a life that is worthy of imitation by my children.

And lately I most definitely have not been.

I’ve slowed down on the sluttiness, but been smoking cigarettes over this past month – a habit I gave up 12 years ago.

I’ve slowed down on the drinking I was doing, but have still been looking for a man to stabilize my world.

I’ve decided I’m starting over.  I’ll be smoking my last cigarette before I go to bed.  I’m going to put my priorities back in the order they should be: God, me and my kids.

I’ve been stubbornly trying to do this, sort out my life and this disorder I have, all on my own.

But God is stubborn too.

He’s been secretly working on me.

Last night is a great example.  My heart was broken and I cried many tears.  But today was a new day.  I haven’t been wallowing in despair as I would have even 6 months ago.

God has been working on me behind my back…and only behind my back because I turned my back on Him.

For the first time I can honestly say I have hope.

Hope for myself and hope for my kids.

I just need to turn my eyes upon Jesus.  Again.

Thank goodness He never took his eyes off me.



One thought on “Starting again, again

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