Am I Wanted?

I’ve discovered something about myself through a friends with benefits type of relationship I have right now.  I can’t, most likely because of my extreme fear of rejection, initiate anything.  Not anything.

I can’t initiate a text conversation.  You have to text me first. I can’t risk the chance that my text will go unanswered. I need to know that you want to talk to me. 

I can’t initiate sex. You have to start it. I can’t do it because you might reject me. And I really can’t take that when my body is all I have going for me. I need to know you want me.

I can’t even offer an idea for something to do without incredible trepidation. You may reject it or, even worse, laugh at me. 

I don’t know how to get past this.  I just need someone to be the initiator and give me time to build my courage through being able to trust them.

Does this seem like a lot to ask?


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