Reason to live

My middle child is planning to move out. He’s 18. A year older than I was when I moved out. I miss him and he hasn’t left yet.

It’s different than when his older brother moved out.  My oldest is autistic and I sent him to live with my sister, hoping he would develop more autonomy being away from me.  He basically went from sleeping in a bedroom in my house to sleeping in a bedroom at my sister’s house.

My middle boy will be living with a roommate but will be completely responsible for himself. 

This got me thinking about my daughter who is almost 11. She could be moving out in 8 years.

Then what do I do? I was married and a mother before I was 21 years old. I’ve spent almost all of my adult life living for my children. 

I think I can honestly say that I may have succumbed to suicidal thoughts if it had not been for my children. They kept me going.  But what do I have to live for when they’ve all left?

My daughter will turn 18 three days before I turn 50. That still leaves a lot of years ahead of me. What will I possibly have to live for, when my reasons to live are gone?


One thought on “Reason to live

  1. Sharon there are sooo many things I can say to this post but I will keep them to two points. One, no your oldest did not go from sleeping under your roof to sleeping under mine. Yes he is learning autonomy, but it is a slow process as I have a few things that I am responsible for – you had over 18 years, I’ve only had 3. So please don’t make judgments on things you obviously don’t know enough about.

    And secondly, how do you go on living when your reasons are gone??? Really? I thought once a parent always a parent? Just because your children don’t live with you does not make you any less important to them!!! Ask your youngest if her dad is still important to her? And what about those of us who also struggle in life and with life, whose children passed away before us? You gone on the same as we do, one day at a time and sometimes it’s one minute at a time.

    You may be borderline but you are smart, stop allowing the diagnosis so much power and control over your life!!!


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