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Friend

I guess I’m not a robot. I’ve often said that I couldn’t tell if I felt anything. I was wrong.

I made a friend. It lasted two months. He was a long haul trucker. I know how I am in relationships where I seldom see the guy. I don’t do that well. So, for both our sakes, I said that we needed to look at our relationship like friends (with benefits). He seemed to understand and agreed to do that.

But we both felt more than that. He would express that, but I couldn’t. That’s when he ditched me. 

I was doing everything I could to not feel. That’s why I couldn’t express any sentiments. If I say it,it makes it real and then it goes wrong and I get badly hurt and so does the other person.

I was just trying to keep it steady until he stopped the highway driving. If we would have been living in the same city, I would’ve sentiment-ed all over his ass. But he didn’t and we only spent time together twice. But the time we spent together had enough quality that I had feelings for him. Even my son liked him.

But he ditched me because I didn’t return sentiments. And now I’m back to lonely.

And despite the really mean things he said when he ditched me, I still miss him.

The asshole. Why couldn’t he have just been my friend? He was my only real friend in such a long time. And now I’m back to nothing.

Is there nobody out there who can be a real friend to me and stay?

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