Today I’m more pissed off at my ex-husband then I was the day I kicked him out.
He brought his new girlfriend and her kids to my brother’s birthday party. That in itself is weird but whatever. I had a little freak out over her presence there, though it wasn’t totally clear exactly why. I think it was primarily because she was infringing on my territory; this was a party with my family, not his.
But this isn’t the reason I’m pissed off at him.
She and I had a conversation during that event. And now that I’ve had time to process it, that’s why I’m pissed off. And I’m not pissed off at her; he is all hers as far as I’m concerned.
What pisses me off is that he treats her better than he ever treated me. That basically means that I was of little value or importance to him. And that hurts. I have spent a lot of time feeling guilty about breaking up my family because I couldn’t live with things the way they were.
So he should be feeling guilty now. He could have ended it if I really didn’t matter to him. He should have ended it earlier. Maybe if he had ended it, I wouldn’t have had that break down I did. Though I guess it was good I had it because I finally got diagnosed with BPD.
It still pisses me off. He spent all that time treating me like I was the invisible woman, somebody not worth a tiny bit of effort to show some affection or attention to.
It’s going to take some serious effort on my part to not smack him upside the head when I see him next.
I’m certainly done feeling guilty.
It is all I have to say to him right now…