A reflection

Me

Valentine’s Day.  It usually depresses me because I’m usually alone.  Interesting that it’s different this year, especially considering that I, just a few days ago, screwed up another friendship. Maybe it’s because I’m finally getting it.  I have to learn to be alone.  I felt free after I got over the initial embarrassment of what … Continue reading

A reflection

Caring

People don’t understand what it means when I say I want someone to care about me. Don’t wish me happy birthday just because Facebook reminded you to. Don’t post words of encouragement when I post despair just to have that be the only communication that ever happens. Be in my life. Talk to me face to … Continue reading

Uncategorized

Being There

I didn’t try to kill myself the other day.  I cut myself but I did it to stop myself from killing myself.  That probably doesn’t make any sense but I don’t have the energy to explain right now. I want someone to be there for me.  But people don’t understand what I mean by that. … Continue reading

A rant

Accepting the facts

I need to accept the facts.  All of the facts. I will never be good enough or worthy of love. I could never please my parents.  My grades were never good enough no matter how hard I tried.  Those C’s should have been A’s.  Those B’s should have been A’s.  Those A’s should have been … Continue reading

A reflection

Better

It’s amazing what can help me. I was in a bad state in my last post a couple of days ago.  I thought I had ruined a friendship. But this friend did what I’ve always needed anyone who calls themselves my friend to do. He clearly explained what he wanted and needed and how he … Continue reading

A rant

Cut

  I’ve resisted a long time. Just some scratching is all. I’ve drawn a little blood this time.  Just a little. It was disappointing. There was no pain while I was doing it. There was only stinging afterward. That sucks because I really wanted the pain. Why? I guess to punish myself for fucking up yet … Continue reading